A little bite of what God did in me at YFN

So we got back from Texas late saturday night and I have never!! Been so glad to sleep in my bed for once.

I don't even know where to begin. YFN was a blast- for sure. Naomi was really right when she said that you only get something out of it if you put something into it. On our way down to Texas, we spent the night in Missouri (which is beautiful by the way...) and I remembering asking God for only one thing in my life. I never knew that God would do that in my and beyond. I asked Him what it would take to have His presence with me everywhere i go. I know that might sound confusing to alot of people. Alot of Christians say that they follow God because they read their bibles, pray, and set time aside for God in their lives... I just was really desperate for feeling God's presence in my life on a consistent basis. I even remembered a time when it was that way, and I've missed it since then. I've wondered what I had allowed to get in the way, or whatever it was that was keeping me from that kind of relationship with God.

It really is sweet communion to walk with God in his presence 24-7.

While at YFN, God showed me alot of things about myself and alot of things in my heart that I wasn't aware of. I'll name a few...

We had a purity session. The girls and guys split apart (there were about a thousand 400 of us total) and the girl leaders talked to the girls and the guys to the guys. I could go on and explain to whole sermon, but id write like a book. I've made alot of mistakes in the purity area of my life. Some, so sad to say... when I was a self-proclaiming Christian. I repented and made things right with God since then, but I carried around the secret of what I had done for awhile, and it was dragging me down. I don't even know how to explain the amount of guilt I held. I didn't feel like i could tell anyone, even my closest friends. That killed me. It made me feel so alone in my walk with God because I was so afraid to tell one of my friends in Christ where my struggles lied so that I could be accountable to them. I was almost afraid of disappointing them, when I should have known that the love of Christ would make a child of God greatful that the sin I was in didn't keep me from continuing in my walk with God. But what I didn't realize, which God showed me this past week, was that even though Christ had forgiven me... I hadn't forgiven myself. I held on to such a human view of love. It was hard for me to understand that my mistake was erased from God's memory, and it was covered by the blood of Jesus. Its so hard to comprehend that the love of Christ is unconditional. I felt so undeserving of that. Anyways, at the end they had an alter call. I went up, (which took alot of sacrificing of pride, might i add...) and poured my heart out to God. I told Him i felt like I had no worth, that I wasn't worthy of being called His child, and that I wish i could take it all back, if I could have his presence in my life again. One of the leaders walked up to me and told me about the power of confession. So I basically spilled my guts out to someone who i never knew about what I had done, and how i felt like i had nothing to offer God or my future husband (which is such an extremely horrible feeling to have..). It felt like a pile of bricks were taken off my shoulder and my heart felt 50 pounds lighter. In a weird way, it was alot easier to breathe. The power of confessing sin out loud is amazing. It was really humbling. Why do i need to hide a mistake that is no longer recorded in heaven? If I have made things right with my savior, why had I been keeping that testimony a secret? Yes, I sinned. But I'm forgiven!!! By a holy God!!! I was so wrapped up in understanding the severity of God that I allowed satan to condemn me for it. God is severe in his discipline, but He is also kind. Again, I was reminded that God still loves and longs to be close with me. He is in love with me, his creation and wants me to be in love with Him

Theres so much joy that comes from having the understanding that God longs to walk closely with me as well.