What Disney never told us...

At a really young age, expectations are being drilled into little girls, telling them that there is one specific, perfect person out there who will come and steal their heart, and gallop into the sunset.... And then have that happy ever after thing. See, I have a particular problem with this whole perfect prince charming/happily ever after thing. Heres why...

Girls develop inrealistic expectations of men. They believe that one day, there will be a man who will worship the ground they walk on. I truly believe it is one of the major reasons as to why girls fall so hard the first time they fall "in love." (which isnt really love...) And when that "first love" doesn't seem to work out, they have their first, most heart-wrenching break-up ever. I can relate. Mine nearly ruined my entire world (and I'm not exaggerating.) Don't get me wrong. Outside of the will of God, we are all very innately selfish people. Its not a gender thing, its a human thing. Sooo many girls base their source of confidence and self-esteem on the amount of attention a guy feeds to her (hey, it can happen to guys too! I'm sure.. But I seem to noticed the trend in girls all around me...). Its so rediculous. And.. because we've all somehow been brainwashed with this "happily ever after" theory with prince charming... The girls who have never had a guy look at them in a flattering way feel as though there is something wrong with them; something not good enough. So many girls measure their worth on the amount of attention that is fed to them by seemingly "charming" people.

The truth is that there are charming people... but Prince charming never= happily ever after. Not if you forget the glue that will hold your relationship together.

The real question to ask yourself would be... What are you living for? Really?

Why do we measure our worth on how much we're appreciated or noticed? Don't we realize that we have been bought with a price? If you don't know what that means.. It means that a huge God actually thought it was necessary to die so that we didn't have to live the crappy "self-seeking", "self-improving," "Prince charming reassuring" life. Though I usually don't understand why, God thought we had enough worth to send His son to die for us. Why can't we measure our worth on the sacrifice Christ gave, instead of how "attractive" we look to other people?

What Disney never told us... Was that relationships only have the "happily ever after" if they are held together by the glue that is Christ. And even then, it takes seeing God daily to help you be an adequate mate for your spouse. (Notice I said spouse =) ) We don't seek God either, just to become that ideal, virtuous woman. If we'd just seek Christ with pure heart motives, everything else will follow. If we've been brainwashed to like every guy that adores us, how is that love? All that is is selfish pride, wanting to feel good about oneself instead of actually loving the other person genuinely. But how can we love if we don't know what love is?

Love is God. And looking at a world without God.. I've realized that they've redefined the whole meaning of love. No longer is love this selfless, unconditional, never-failing thing... Its now become this selfish self-esteem booster that only lasts until a couple gets bored with one-another. If you can't believe that, look at those stupid divorce rates. Isn't it even more sad that it seems you see more "Christians" with failed marriages than unbelievers theirselves. That means we must have got something really wrong.

The thing we got wrong was our hearts desire.

What a worldly view to have... Why do people find the need to feel good about theirself? The word says there is none who are good, not one! And also, God created you in HIS image... And beauty is fleeting. Beauty also has seemed to become a really relative term, because its honestly based on ones opinion (unless you're ruled by the media which is an entirely different topic.) Why do we need to find some sort of good in us to be happy? Can't we be happy in the goodness of Christ? And even then, theres a time of waiting... Until you can be mature in Christ to seek someone else/be sought by someone who is already satisfied by the goodness of Christ?

I guess it all really boils down to our heart motive.

If not an eye is looking at us, and somehow showing us that we're "worth" something.. will we be happy in Christ alone?


I do noticed that I'm kinda all over the place with this blog.. But just a bunch of random thoughts/ponderings that I decided to share.

Godbless all.

A great privilege

When our problems try to smother out our trust;
when our emotions try to rule us;
when burden is so hard to carry;
when our teared and failed attempts at "trying" leave us desperate for help;
when important questions remain unanswered;
when our hearts can hardly hold the pain of watching sin have its way in others;
when the world- so cold and stiff- doesn't even care to smile back at you.....


What a friend I have in Jesus, All my sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
Oh what peace I've often forfeited; oh what needless pain I've beared
All because I did not carry everything to God in prayer

Hope

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name
On Christ the solid rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand

All other ground is sinking sand

I am thankful that I don't have to find my hope in the promises of a better economy.
In You, Jesus, I build my hope and trust in. The times are definitely changing, and I'd say it is becoming more and more vitally important for our spiritual life to learn to trust God when things don't look well.

On You, Christ, I stand.

No other love like His

I think today i've really grasped the meaning of love towards others. I think there have been many times in my past where i've tried to justify treating those who i love crappy because they've treated me the same. I learned that love doesn't change, even when people do.

The perfect example of that would be Jesus on the cross, watching his people spit on him and beat him and mock him and bruise him. When I look at Christ, and how he showed true love for others, I feel ashamed. How can one justify hating or treating somene poorly when Christ loved all of us horrible sinners? He even loved those who seized him, and nailed him to the cross. Could I do that? Could I love the one who nailed my hands and feet to a cross? Could I love the one who looks at me with hate, the one that has no ounce of love back for me? Love is not love if it changes upon circumstances.

If I were to imagine my family and the ones i love turning against me, and seeking to kill me... I'm not sure how greatly that would hurt me. I'm not sure if I could bear it. Christ felt that pain. I've never really seen the cross from this perspective. Christ loved deeply and truly even when those he loved sought to kill him. He never stopped. He never got angry and removed himself from the cross and told them what He deserved, how he was being treated unjustly.. Nothing. He just asked the father to forgive them because they didn't understand what they were doing. They didn't understood the magnitude of the love Christ had for His creation.

How can I take after Christ's example? I can love deeply and truely for those who do not understand, and for those who can not grasp Christ's sacrifice. I can pray to God, asking Him for his mercy upon their lives... For they do not understand. I can pray for His word and his conviction to show them their deeds, and how His love through the cross and his sacrifice, can cover all their sins. How could a generation of "Christians" look upon what Christ did for us on the cross, and not be moved? I'm sure the father was moved as he looked upon his son, dying on a cross for a sin filled people that he truly and throughly loved. Can my love for others bring me to that very decision that Christ made? Would I be willing to lay down my life for those that Christ loves?

Lord, change me and mold me.

Lets be like Jesus, lets love like He loved.

<3 Kaitlin.

Not even a hint....

This ones gonna be short only because I like sleep.

Not Even a Hint by Joshua Harris
is such a good book.

So convicting; so encouraging.
So helpful. Sometimes its good to take a hard look at yourself through the eyes of Christ to see all the things we let creep into us. Like...

Needing to feel beautiful in order to be accepted in this world
Needing to be a certain waist size for the sole fact that media dipicts it as normal, when its actually... Anorexic.
Making a plan of action in order to avoid situation where temptation to lust occurs.

Who ever knew the practical would be so helpful to daily living?

Also, the good reminder of the way God intended me to be, and the way the world distorts it.
Its late, so sorry if this isn't making much sense. if you've read the book, i suppose you might know what I mean.

<3 night!

Helloooooo out there...

I am now officially registered to vote. =D


thought I'd announce that!

Secondly, I'd like to state that this blog's dedicated to my readers. Who are you? Do you enjoy reading my blog? Amusing? Confusing? Should I write about different things? Hm? What would you like to hear more about? Its good to have input considering I have no clue if this blog is just using internet space, lol but thats shows how much I know. I bet the internet could go on 934867934876294679248769247692476 g.

Thanks <3 Comment!

Knowing His mystery

"Kaitlin, I love you. You don't need to do it all, I will do it for you." Someone close to me told me God wanted them to tell me this. I had to step back and re-evaluate my life a week or so ago. In doing so, I realized that somehow the love I once had for Christ had faded. When I heard these words, they were like a jolt to my heart. Why do I always feel like I need to do it all for God? Why am I always thinking my efforts are good enough? I had lost my focus. I am nothing without Christ and all that He is through me is enough. How could I ever think that if I just "read more of my bible," or "prayed longer" that somehow I would be more spiritually intimate with my creator? I felt like such a fool. In my mind I had looked at Christ in the eyes of any worldly relationship. The relationship that "loves only when feeling loved." Hearing that Christ loves me made me re-evaluate everything. Its crazy. I know the Lord loves me. But somehow, within all the craziness of my life I had lost focus of how perfect His love is for me.

Had I lost my seriousness? Had I lost my passion? Just hearing that Christ desires to be close to me as well as me desiring to be close to Christ made my heart and my mind wander. For once in my life there is a song that describes perfectly the way I felt.

Mystery~ Phil Wickham

Here in the Quiet speak to me now
My ears are open to
Your gentle sweet whispering
Break down the door, come inside
Shine down Your bright light
I need a lamp for my feet, I need a lamp for my feet

I want to hear the thunder of who You are
To be captured inside the wonder of who You are
I want to live I want to breathe
To search out Your heart and all of Your mysteries

You were the first and You’ll be the end
Time cannot hold You down
Why save a wretch like me?
No eye has seen, no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
All of Your mystery

Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down your light let it burn in my heart
Bring me to glory, bring me to you
Lord it’s your heart that I will hold onto

Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down Your light let me know who You are
Jesus, Your glory burns in the stars
Shine down Your light, let me see You, let me see You

Taking care of your body

It occured to me within the last couple months... While looking at the mirror and my eating habbits; I need to get in shape. Don't get me wrong. This thought hadn't occurred to me because I wanted to "look great" even though looking okay is a plus, but I started thinking about how its godly to be in shape. I never really considered that healthy eating habits and daily excercise was in fact glorifying to God, but I am now convinced otherwise. How exactly does eating healthy and physically taking good care of my body bring more glory to Christ?

1. Its a good witness. Being on the outside, looking in... I always admired someone who was serious about eating right and taking good care of their body because it showed their self discipline. Getting in shape isn't easy, its hard work... But now while I'm either running on the treadmill at the gym or doing crunches, I remember that i can't give up because its "not everything to be in shape," but rather, "Being in shape shows good character, self-discipline, and ultimately brings more glory to Christ (as long as pride is out of the picture)."

2. It helps prevent laziness. When a Christian is determined to take care of the body that the Lord gave them, they will work hard to get in shape, or exercise to maintain their physical fitness. A lazy person won't wanna do anything that makes them uncomfortable... And after you start feeling the "burn" your flesh really isn't feeling like going on.... As Christians, we represent Christ. A lazy person is not a godly person, and if we represent Christ, we must not be lazy! Feel the burn, embrace the burn, push past it! And continue on.....

3. It is a good witness to those who look up to you spiritually, even height wise, and in the future... Maybe even your kids! It sets a good example. I know when I am a mom (someday) I want to set a good example for my children by eating right and taking care of the body that Christ gave me.

Things to be careful of...

- . Looking good just to look good is feeding to the flesh and results in pride. Thats a bad witness.
- . Taking care of your body for attention. Also pride
- . Becoming obsessed with your body and what you take in. I remember the bible saying that it is not what you consume that makes you who you are.

And I'll be like bev and say, well! Thats my blurb on taking care of your body! =]

Set the example!

Heart Issues and venting

I'm currently in a really strange mood. Last night I went to Grange fair. which is basically one of the monumental happenings that occurs in central Pennsylvania for a week in August, every August, for nearly the past hundred years.

All I could think were the memories of past years, strolling throughout the carnival and campers and tents with my usedtobebestfriend and our boyfriends. Bad memories. Sad memories. Then good memories. It was the old me; Before Christ. It reminded me of how much I miss having her company, and it also made me so sad because i realize she is no longer the same and neither am I. (regarding our friendship and our relationship with one another and Christ) Isn't it strange how one place that hardly ever changes can bring about tons of different feelings all at once? I felt sad, angry, disappointed, let down, discouraged, encouraged, pessimistic, and yet trying to hope the best... All at the same time.

The truth is that I've never had more than one or two friends who were close enough to consider my actual sisters in Christ. Beforehand, I supposed it was my shyness that could have been the reason why, but now its more so the fact that so many of my friends waver in their relationship with Christ. It makes me so sad. I've struggled in the same areas, and made stupid decisions and etc, but Christ helped me overcome and grow and change in the area of relationships with friends and in the area of personal relationships. I know I talk about this alot.... But the reason why I do is because it is a constant problem that continually presents itself to me with my friends who I DONT want to see fall away from Christ. I'm just tired. I'm so tired of seeing friends in Christ come and go. I'm tired of making precious memories with Christian brothers and sisters in the Lord, and looking back upon them 3 or 4 years later... Realizing that they've fallen away and no longer care about the things of the Lord. It makes me so incredibly sad. It also helps me appreciate the grace of God, because I know I could be in the same boat if it weren't for the grace of God. I'm just so..... Angry with Satan. I'm angry first of all that hes taken and continues to try to seduce those who seem to be weak in the Lord. I'm frusterated because I know I've learned so much in this area, and I feel useless as I try to somehow show my friends the pain and unhappiness of choosing the wrong path. I feel as though if i somehow, in someway, had the right words to express my experience and how close I had come to falling completely away from God, that it would save some of my friends the pain of making the wrong decisions and coming nearly as close as i did to falling completely away.

People dont realize!!!!!! That the attack of satan is so extremely subtle. The way he creeps into those doors that we haven't locked safely shut seem so innocent, so harmless, and so unnoticeable. Why can't we realize that the way Satan sets before us will seem good and right? Does he not come as an angel of light? Does he not use the truth of the word, and twist it, to make things that should be wrong, right? Why are we not on guard? Why do I continually see people lower the standards in their heart, and draw close to the line that divides black and white? Why do we not realize that Satan is continually looking for the opportunity to snatch our hearts away from the Lord? And an even harder question, why do our hearts want to see "how much we can get away with" instead of "going to the extreme to bring Christ more glory and honor?" Is this a heart issue? I know the grace of God is sufficient and the bible says that Christ is our keeper. I honestly feel that those who fall from grace do so because of a problem that starts in their heart.

Where does your heart stand? Do you struggle to understand whats right or wrong in Gods sight while dancing around the line that divides the kingdom of God with the kingdom of this world?

When you don't guard your heart...

I've been thinking about this ALOT the past couple weeks. I guess maybe because I've seen so many of my close friends fall away from God because of relationships that were not in the will of God. Even when I look at my own life, I realized if I had done one simple thing, i could have avoided alot of serious mistakes and heart break. I was talking a friends mom about this on a long trip. Sometimes I really feel that I've come so close to turning away. And I know that if I had only guarded my heart and mind from the start that I wouldn't have come that close to turning away from Christ. Its more serious than alot of Christian teenagers think it is. Sometimes when I look at my close friends now, I really am afraid that they don't realize the importance of guarding their heart and their emotions. Satan can do so much with your emotions when they are stirred up at inappropriate times. Its so innocent, so tiny. Maybe its a crush. Maybe its this one christian guy you've been talking to online who is cool. Maybe its your Christian brother who you've know since you were 3 feet tall. Don't get me wrong, I don't think its a sin to have a crush. But so many people don't realize that when they feed it, its going to grow! When you put your heart in the place of growing in affection towards the opposite gender, when you know God is calling you to be single for a period if time, for a season, you've started to make a serious mistake. How can someone have undistracted devotion to the Lord when half of the time, they are making sure they can sit next to, talk to, have serious one on one eye contact with a person of the opposite sex? How can one be undistracted to the Lord when they make it a point to be online every single night at a certain time so they can "encourage" and talk to a Christian brother who is struggling. I don't know.. Some people might say, so what? But I know from experience thats a recipe for disaster. I think I've seen this so many times with my Christian friends. Its a crush, its not sin, we're not dating, we're not in immorality. Maybe you aren't "dating" and maybe you aren't in sin... yet... But you are DISTRACTED. But I can wait for her/him. But how can someone know that God's will won't lead one another in different directions?

I see tons of people with romantic feelings towards their brother or sister in the Lord and so rarely do I see them take these feelings before the Lord. How many times do we let our minds wander, and our heart care a little more romantically for a certain individual without first consulting with Christ? Is He not the one who owns our heart? Is He not the one who gives us wisdom and guidance on heart matters? And even more so, if we're supposed to be single, why have we voluntarily reserved our heart for a certain individual, without having God confirm that they are, indeed, going to be the one they spend the rest of their life with?

This is what drives me nuts. If someone has their heart reserved for a certain individual, how does that leave God having any say in the matter? It doesn't. What if God wants your heart elsewhere? That means either you are in for some serious heartache or you would rather have what your heart has been craving than what the Lord wants for your life.

I guess to sum up this blog, because its getting long... Make no reservations! Guard your heart diligently! Take everything before the Lord! Pray! And be undistractedly devoted to Christ until He tells you its time for a relationship. I've learned this all the hard way, but I hope this has somehow, in some way, encouraged someone.

I am blessed.

Life is so full of suprises; some good, some bad. But in Christ, all the good is great and all the bad is used for good to those who love Him. I'm encouraged. Amidst all the problems, God has been so good to me. I am so blessed to have so many godly friends in Christ who are here in prayer and in company.

Sunday was awesome spending time with people up on the mountain. It was so beautiful. Its hard for me to fathom how God created beautiful things like mountains, and yet still payed attention to the small details of me. I am sooo greatful for the people God has placed in my life who can give me godly counsel and wisdom in the harder areas in my life, such as looking for a full time job without having my GED yet. I am just encouraged. I made some seriously stupid mistakes but yet God is helping me along and getting me back to where I need to be. I used to seriously freak out about the years ahead because I just wish I could know whats coming. I learned that God didn't make things that way just for the purpose of helping me to trust in Him more completely. He definitely helped my attitude. I have opportunities, I just need to apply adequate effort in making my resume (with a little help from the blondie =D) and scheduling to take my GED classes in the fall at state high. By the end of this year I should have my diploma, and hopefully (crosses fingers, and prays) a FULL TIME job at Penn state.

I don't know if You'd call this poetry...

Jesus I wanna let go of this world
All of the cares, the problems, the fears
I wanna cast these worries upon you
I'm lost here, I wanna be the one that runs to You
I don't need to know why bad things are the way they are
It is only You that brings comfort to my soul

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired
At this world's system and the way that it acts
I don't wanna follow it's example of "love only when its returned"
I wanna love despite those who don't love me back
Its so hard- trying to do what you know is right all on your on
And I feel alone. Because for the longest time
I've been doing it all alone, without you

Jesus, sometimes i just wish You'd come get me
Please show me my purpose specifically for Your glory
I feel weighed down with the depressing details of the lives of those that I love
Even my own, when I'm sized up, I feel like I'm not enough
For all You are to me, what I have to give is so small in comparison
Is there one offering that I may give that would be worthy of acceptance?
I feel as though i have nothing to offer you.

You bled and suffered while I'm here barely living out Your word
You are my strength, my own is nearly gone
I am truly pathetic without your grace
When people tear me down, I remind my flesh that I am truly nothing
Without you, I know I have no worth
I'm far from perfect, but my soul seriously longs for the comfort of your presence
In my life

Break me, consume me, purify me, mold me
Change all the things that You hate
All that I am is willing to change to be
All You desire for me to be

There is so much turmoil in my life
Sometimes i find it almost impossible to bear
I want to cry and be broken before the Lord
Yet here I am feeling like I need to be strong
There has been this daily knot in my throut
Because I'm scared that I might say/do something
That might turn my family and those I love against me

I feel so torn and so weak

28Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired
His understanding is inscrutable.
29He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
30Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
31Yet those who wait for the LORD
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
-Isaiah 40:28-31

No formal God...

-"The more I seek You" by Gateway Worship

The more I seek You,
the more I find You.
The more I find You,
the more I love You.

I want to sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hands
Lean back against You and breathe
Feel Your heart beat
This love is so deep
Its more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
Its overwhelming

What God's been reminding me of this past week or two is that He is no formal God! Yes, God is mighty, holy, far far far above me, perfect in everything.. But for a really long time satan was trying to get me in the mindset that God is strictly formal. I was listening to the song I posted above about a week ago and it hit me hard... There is nothing formal about my relationship with God. I don't have to plan a meeting with my savior to discuss "business matters." There had been times in past where i just seriously needed to spill to someone all of my frustrations and all of my struggles and all of my anxieties and etc. God reminded me that He wants me to spill my heart out to Him. He wants me to "Cast my cares upon Him, for He cares for me." And when I become so anxious or worried about something so little and non-detrimental in the eyes of God, He wants me- without an appointment- to "Be anxious in nothing, but with everything by prayer and supplications, let my requests be made known to God, and His peace, which surpasses all comprehension will guard my heart and mind through Christ Jesus." The crazy part is that... All of these scriptures I knew! All of these things I knew! It just goes to show that God's word is so encouraging and can consistently remind me of the right way!

Feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Ever have one of those days where bad news upon bad news along with the bad news from the week prior pile up on you all at once?

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. "(2 Cor. 4:8-9)

I know Satan always uses that "pile on" effect where he takes all the bad news he could possibly throw at your face and piles it on you when you feel a little weak or vulnerable. I had to remind myself that I don't need to be in despair. I don't have to have all the answers to all my questions. I don't have to understand why certain things happen the way they do. All I have to do is trust in Christ. When people I love fall away and make stupid decisions, when things happen that don't make any sense to me, when I feel alone in my walk with Christ- I am so thankful and glad to say that I can still rest in the peace and love of God. I don't have to be in despair because God never takes a vacation from being my helper and my comforter and my guide. Even when all else fails me, Christ stays the same. When I look at all problems in my life, whether it be my personal walk with Christ, or of those who I love around me, or even ones that unfairly-directly affect me, I have to be honest... I feel like crap. Sometimes I almost feel hopeless because I don't know all the answers to all these problems. Things start happening that I never dream would happen and I try my hardest to understand why- and I have no answers. And when I stare at the problems, I get so sad and almost depressed.

Lead me by your truth and teach me,for you are the God who saves me.All day long I put my hope in you. -Psalms 25:5

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.

6 O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan -Psalms 42:4-6

5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.- Psalms 62:5-6

My hope is in Christ! When the world fails me, when my closest loved ones fail me, when I don't have all the answers, when the secure things in my life start to fade and crumble, Christ is still my rock and my salvation! Christ is still my stronghold. And what I found so much comfort in, was that Christ is always and will always be MY HOPE. I need to hope in God. Though I feel down and sad, my soul will praise Him! Because when all else changes, He is the same!

Thank you Jesus =))))

Day 2 in NYC!

Monday was just wayyyyyy too interesting/fun/tiring.. So I have to blog about it.

After we woke up and ate breakfast and got changed and what not... We met up with Elmer on Jamaica Avenue. Jamel warned me that I would be stared at.... Considering that I was basically the only white person on the whole entire bus. Dude! Some people have complexes okay? I got on the bus, sat down, and felt extremely awkward. I didn't think it was awkward because I was the only white person there, I felt awkward because everyone on the bus was staring at me because I was the only white person there. Whats so freaking interesting about my skin color? Okay, yes! I am white. Actually... I am probably more whiter than most people. I have to say, I was a bit freaked out while on the bus ride. It really wasn't all that bad, I delt with it... But there was this elderly black woman who had to have been seriously out of her mind. She kept mumbling and ranting about something that she was apparently really upset about... But it was like she was talking to someone else, only no one else was listening. I kinda questioned her sanity, but then I figured that out of all these people in this city, she wasn't as crazy as some. Anyways... We made it to Jamaica Avenue.

I thought the bus ride was bad, imagine walking around a huge NYC avenue/section/area thing and being the ONLY white person there. If all of them were nice and respectable people then I wouldn't really have a problem.. Because I don't have anything against people for their race. But half of them looked like drug dealers, theives, and thugs. Actually... Jamel walked in front of me while Elmer walked behind me just to protect me. Thats a little freaky! Imagine that.. I should have known Jamaica Avenue would be dangerous. You are probably wondering why we were on Jamaica avenue... And even if you weren't- thats ok! Lol. Jamel always talks up Nyc for the cheap prices on clothing.. But you have to go to certain areas. Jamaica was one of those areas. But I didn't really wanna stay there for long so we headed to downtown Manhattan and looked around for awhile. I bought a couple things, even a purse in Chinatown which is really cute by the way... By the time we made it to Chinatown it was already 8 pm- which is crazy. Time really flies when your in the city. Anyways.. It was funnnnn!! Tomorrow the Bronx! I think I'm starting to enjoy the city. Don't worry, I have no plans of living here. I love my Church and I love my people, and I love my quiet little college town! Later C:

Clinging, Keeping, Finishing- Kaiti.

An update

Saturday I spent the evening with some people that I love and we hung out downtown at Arts Fest. It was fun, even though by the time we found a parking space and walked around, all the boutiques were closing up. Walking around, drinking 6$ lemonade that wasn't even worth 6$ that I didn't pay for (=D) and sharing a root beer snow cone with Bev all while carrying a squirmy little red haired being on my back made the whole evening worthwhile.. And those are just a few fun things to name. So currently I am in Queens at Jamel's parents house and I'm staying here till Wednesday morning. Sunday was fun! We drove up to Nyc for the morning service, which was awesome. I wish I was more awake and attentive than I had been though because I found out at the last minute the night before that I could stay here till wednesday so I had to pack. Jamel and his family were supposed to get back from their cruise today, but their cruise let them off the boat an hour and a half late, which caused them to miss their flight to Atlanta, Ga. so they were on standby. Actually, everything available was pushed back or delayed... So while they were trying to find a way back home, Elmer and I were chatting up a storm about things pertaining to godliness... And partaking in none other than my two most favorite liquid/solids on this planet (Chicken and Dr.Pepper) Jamel and his sis were the only ones that were willing to pay 65$ to take a business flight back to Nyc, and we picked them up at the airport around 8 pm, after waiting for almost an hour and a half... Just to locate them. Tomorrow we're heading to the Bronx where Jamels gonna show me the cheap ghetto wear that apparently costs only a couple dollars... And Tuesday we're going to another service at TSC. Yay! I'm excited. I hope none of you all worried when I wasn't at church, i was still in church, just one 4 hours away! See some of yall on Wednesday.

Thank you to those who gave me some encouragement within the past couple days. Christ is all I need and all thats worth living for.

Clinging to Christ, Keeping the faith, Finishing the race!
- Kaitlin.

A prayer need.

Please pray for me. I'm having really hard time and I really need God's comfort. I'm really sad and really confused. I just feel so lost and really wishing Jesus would come soon. Any word of encouragement would be really really really appreciated.

kaitlin.

"Walk out..."

Last night a couple friends and I went to see the movie Hancock. Lets just say, I was deeply convicted. It was weird though. I'm so thankful- because God's been showing me what I haven't been doing that is keeping me from walking more closely with Him. I haven't been walking away. Of course the conviction didn't feel too hot, but I'm still so encouraged that God hasn't given up on me. I know He won't, but every time He changes me, although it doesn't feel great in the process, He's making me more lovely in His sight, more pleasing, more holy, just like Him.

Anyways, while I was walking out of the theater I was somewhat disgusted. I was upset at myself because I didn't walk out. I kept asking myself, why did I not walk out? Why did I just sit there and listen to the filthy language and see the immodesty and not separate myself from that which is unclean? And my friend, thats just the very small part of the conviction... The biggest part was the response I got from God. He told me that it was simply because I was so accustomed to following my brothers and sisters in Christ, that I shrugged off His voice telling me to leave. Somehow, I had become used to following the lead of my Christian peers that I didn't allow the voice of God to dictate my decisions. "Separate yourself. This is not pleasing in My sight."

soooo! Lesson learned: Listen to the voice of God, even when your Christian friends don't. Also, be wise when you choose to watch a movie. Check out the ratings and read reviews and if your not sure.... Just DON'T GO.

What a wonderful thing the conviction of God is... C:

Christ First!

I have been so encouraged in the past two weeks than i think I have been in the previous 3 months. On multiple days this week I got to talk to some of my lovelies about things I sometimes believe... I only struggle with. God's been showing me alot about how I tend to allow other peoples convictions dictate my life. Sometimes I get so caught up in following my godly examples that I end up following them, instead of ultimately following Christ. I was reminded and encouraged to know that the convictions of others do not always have to line up with my convictions, and I'm not any less spiritual or committing sin because I do not feel convicted about certain particular things that other people do. I forget sometimes that God works and moves through people and gives them convictions according to their strengths and weaknesses, and of course, on the other hand.. Because God has shown them more of His holiness that He has not yet shown me. All I know is that now I won't follow others convictions in my life until God shows me if something is truly wrong in His sight. (sidenote; this does not apply to clearly marked rights and wrongs in the word of God)

God's also shown me that I worry so much about things without praying them through first. Now to every worry of mine i'll ask myself.... Have i prayed? Have I sought God's face?

I need to walk in His presence so that I am not dictated and ruled by my flesh. I shouldn't have to worry about all the unanswered questions and wonders of my life because God is faithful to lead me and to guide me if i only trust in Him. He'll show me what is right in His sight. If I don't hear Him say yes, I won't do it. If I hear Him say no... I go no where near it. But first and foremost, in all of my decisions, I must consult to Christ FIRST. I must follow Christ FIRST. I must spill my guts out to Christ FIRST. I must trust Christ FIRST. FIRST FIRST FIRST.

Christ first seems to be the theme of this blog. I know its late, but I had to spill this out in my blog because I always seem to type faster than I write, and I desperately need sleep and I need to get this into words so that I do not forget what Christ has shown me. i hope you all are blessed,

Raven-haired girl...

<3

Untitled

I’ve been down the road of painful decisions

I’ve been the girl with no common sense

I’ve failed to use the knowledge I’m given

But now I’m thankful that ‘I’ve been”s past tense

I’ve carried the burden of losing perfection

I’ve thrown around my God-given grace

I’ve watered down the truth of the gospel

I’ve made the name of Christ a disgrace

I’ve felt the pains from a broken heart

I’ve been guilty of having a fickle mind

I’ve been torn in two, and made the wrong choice

But in my defense, I was blind

Sin is common, love is rare

Grace is unfailing, my will is my decision

The moment my will lined up with the Father

The clearest thing was my 20/20 vision

I feel as though I’m looking through

The eyes of God, upon the world

My heart hurts in whole new ways

The heart of God has given me grace

Down the road of trial and error

I know my heart is safe in His hands

Because it belongs to Christ, my father

He has given me a reason to dance

Hallelujah, God is good.

His quiet waters are my delight

Now in every one of these dark places

Shines His everlasting light

When and how, where and why

The title to this blog pertains to dating and what my calling is.
This blog is a little personal, but i only put it up here because I honestly want a godly perspective and know those who read this can understand my heart. If you have any imput at all, please please share. It doesn't have to be on here, it can be in person.

Here let me state that I am completely unsure of when to date, and what/where/when/how my calling will show itself.- But yet, they both demand answers from me daily.

I've made one too many mistakes in the dating area of my life- which should be nonexistent until now, but thats not the point... Now that I am walking with God and yearning to know the calling of God in my life- I am still unsure as to whether or not I should even start thinking about the dating area of my life. I know that with some other people, it just happens. But I don't want it to just happen with me, i want to hear God say yes. But, I don't hear Him say yes, or no. I'm content with being single.. But the question I face is- how do i determine when my heart is ready for a godly relationship? Also, how do I know if the other party is ready for a godly relationship?

+ Romans 12:9, 13:8-10: I cant date until i can date without having the motive of making myself feel good. Age doesn't determine your readiness for dating but your attitude(maturity) does. (compliments of cherry puff)

I am so over the stupid, shallowness of liking and wanting to be liked for the sake of feeling good. I've been through all the bone headed mistakes enough to know what the wrong motives are in starting a relationship. I'm so sick of self-centered/ flesh feeding friendships/relationships and I can honestly state that that is exactly what I do not want. Yet, I know that there are still soooo many things that I do not know

Do I seek Godly counsel?
Do I pray and make no decisions till I receive a clear answer from God?
Is it right to expect a clear answer from God?
Do I completely forget about this area of my life until I know what God is calling me to do with my life?

I know that age does not determine readiness for dating. Am I mature enough?

Onto my calling.

I'm 18! Still, I have absolutely no idea what God wants to do with my life. At YFN, I started having an eagerness to know this question. I don't want to waste God's time. I know that none of you can help me determine the answer to that question. I am excited though, because I feel strongly in my heart that God will soon reveal what He wants to do with my life, or, atleast with the months ahead of me, because I've never had such an earnestness in prayer to know the answers to this question.

Anyways, now I feel like I've made this blog way too long.. If you have any imput, it would be much appreciated.

-Kaiti.

More on YFN

The most memorable moments.....

+ Starting a trend when we sang happy birthday to bev.

+ Laughing hysterically at Hillary 30 minutes from Dallas because she was making up ridiculous songs and using random billboards as her inspiration.

+ Running up and down the field on the Campus of CFNI in their supposively "cool" weather at 90 degrees playing foshoodle my noodle with swimming floaties, while being extremely dehydrated and lethargic.

+ The talant show. While there were very talented performers singing very awesome Christian songs about Christ, some how, it is beyond me, a group of youngsters who called their selves "Savage cabbages" won with their "Are tacos good for you" and "Cappuccino" songs. I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty creative...

+ Tripping over the same stupid rock walking back and forth on campus, and looking like a total tard while doing so. Its ok! I made a joke out of it.

+ Randomly bursting into song while beat boxing and having some random people who I don't know give me a high five because they think I'm awesome for singing about something as random as it was...

+ Running to the cafe with my lovelys 10 minutes before curfew time to wait in a really long line to get frappuccinos and run the whole way back, being 5 minutes late... AND not getting our tags taken away. Yeah!

+ Thinking beverly got raptured because she was no where to be found.

+ Random people screaming "OCHO!!" at the top of their lungs only to have a symphony of 10 t0 20 0thers doing the same. (It was a floor thing... Apparently the guys were on floor eight in the hotel.)

+ Meeting really cool people named Julian, Josh, and Zach. (to name a few...)

+ Fitting nearly 20 girls in one elevator and introducing myself because of the weirdness of being in such close courters with people who I don't know.

+ Having someone hug me because I was from Pennsylvania. (Almost everyone there was from the mid-west or the south)

+ Talking till 3 in the morning with Mrs.Waite about things pertaining to godliness (it was profitable!) only t0 have to wake up... 3 and a half hours later to fruit loop saying "Oh comon! Thats not vertical, ladies..." Then, whatever i touched for the next hour I dropped. So I told everyone to not hand me anything because I was gonna drop it.

+ Throughly rapping the song "Cry no More" by Cross movement, just because.

+ Screaming "floor nine!!!" as I get on my floor in the hotel, and having all the girls scream back, regardless of whether or not they knew me...

+ The youth group gathering after the evening session in a dark parking lot corner around 10 30 at night, sharing what God showed/did/revealed to us. This has to be my favorite part.

+ Feeling the strong presence of God during worship, dancing and jumping like crazy to Hillsongs "take it all" song. I loveeeeeddd worship! It was so amazing.

+ Witnessing over 30 people give their lives to Christ, and over 50 people getting baptized in the Holy spirit with speaking in tongues. What a powerful nighttttttt.

+ Kels and I flipping our hair so Abbie and Liz could get "action" shots on their cameras on the way to Texas. Hey! We had 22 hours to entertain ourselves.

Check back for updates because i'm definitely not done! =)

A little bite of what God did in me at YFN

So we got back from Texas late saturday night and I have never!! Been so glad to sleep in my bed for once.

I don't even know where to begin. YFN was a blast- for sure. Naomi was really right when she said that you only get something out of it if you put something into it. On our way down to Texas, we spent the night in Missouri (which is beautiful by the way...) and I remembering asking God for only one thing in my life. I never knew that God would do that in my and beyond. I asked Him what it would take to have His presence with me everywhere i go. I know that might sound confusing to alot of people. Alot of Christians say that they follow God because they read their bibles, pray, and set time aside for God in their lives... I just was really desperate for feeling God's presence in my life on a consistent basis. I even remembered a time when it was that way, and I've missed it since then. I've wondered what I had allowed to get in the way, or whatever it was that was keeping me from that kind of relationship with God.

It really is sweet communion to walk with God in his presence 24-7.

While at YFN, God showed me alot of things about myself and alot of things in my heart that I wasn't aware of. I'll name a few...

We had a purity session. The girls and guys split apart (there were about a thousand 400 of us total) and the girl leaders talked to the girls and the guys to the guys. I could go on and explain to whole sermon, but id write like a book. I've made alot of mistakes in the purity area of my life. Some, so sad to say... when I was a self-proclaiming Christian. I repented and made things right with God since then, but I carried around the secret of what I had done for awhile, and it was dragging me down. I don't even know how to explain the amount of guilt I held. I didn't feel like i could tell anyone, even my closest friends. That killed me. It made me feel so alone in my walk with God because I was so afraid to tell one of my friends in Christ where my struggles lied so that I could be accountable to them. I was almost afraid of disappointing them, when I should have known that the love of Christ would make a child of God greatful that the sin I was in didn't keep me from continuing in my walk with God. But what I didn't realize, which God showed me this past week, was that even though Christ had forgiven me... I hadn't forgiven myself. I held on to such a human view of love. It was hard for me to understand that my mistake was erased from God's memory, and it was covered by the blood of Jesus. Its so hard to comprehend that the love of Christ is unconditional. I felt so undeserving of that. Anyways, at the end they had an alter call. I went up, (which took alot of sacrificing of pride, might i add...) and poured my heart out to God. I told Him i felt like I had no worth, that I wasn't worthy of being called His child, and that I wish i could take it all back, if I could have his presence in my life again. One of the leaders walked up to me and told me about the power of confession. So I basically spilled my guts out to someone who i never knew about what I had done, and how i felt like i had nothing to offer God or my future husband (which is such an extremely horrible feeling to have..). It felt like a pile of bricks were taken off my shoulder and my heart felt 50 pounds lighter. In a weird way, it was alot easier to breathe. The power of confessing sin out loud is amazing. It was really humbling. Why do i need to hide a mistake that is no longer recorded in heaven? If I have made things right with my savior, why had I been keeping that testimony a secret? Yes, I sinned. But I'm forgiven!!! By a holy God!!! I was so wrapped up in understanding the severity of God that I allowed satan to condemn me for it. God is severe in his discipline, but He is also kind. Again, I was reminded that God still loves and longs to be close with me. He is in love with me, his creation and wants me to be in love with Him

Theres so much joy that comes from having the understanding that God longs to walk closely with me as well.

First Post!

Hi! I thought i'd give in to peer pressure and create a Blogger, only because my peeps are on here as well, and not on my other one =(. Oh well. For those who have read my previous blog on Live Journal, I am transferring to this one due to the fact that most of my people are here.

Since I wrote a massive blog on my other one, ill post it here.

Kaiti