I'm currently in a really strange mood. Last night I went to Grange fair. which is basically one of the monumental happenings that occurs in central Pennsylvania for a week in August, every August, for nearly the past hundred years.
All I could think were the memories of past years, strolling throughout the carnival and campers and tents with my usedtobebestfriend and our boyfriends. Bad memories. Sad memories. Then good memories. It was the old me; Before Christ. It reminded me of how much I miss having her company, and it also made me so sad because i realize she is no longer the same and neither am I. (regarding our friendship and our relationship with one another and Christ) Isn't it strange how one place that hardly ever changes can bring about tons of different feelings all at once? I felt sad, angry, disappointed, let down, discouraged, encouraged, pessimistic, and yet trying to hope the best... All at the same time.
The truth is that I've never had more than one or two friends who were close enough to consider my actual sisters in Christ. Beforehand, I supposed it was my shyness that could have been the reason why, but now its more so the fact that so many of my friends waver in their relationship with Christ. It makes me so sad. I've struggled in the same areas, and made stupid decisions and etc, but Christ helped me overcome and grow and change in the area of relationships with friends and in the area of personal relationships. I know I talk about this alot.... But the reason why I do is because it is a constant problem that continually presents itself to me with my friends who I DONT want to see fall away from Christ. I'm just tired. I'm so tired of seeing friends in Christ come and go. I'm tired of making precious memories with Christian brothers and sisters in the Lord, and looking back upon them 3 or 4 years later... Realizing that they've fallen away and no longer care about the things of the Lord. It makes me so incredibly sad. It also helps me appreciate the grace of God, because I know I could be in the same boat if it weren't for the grace of God. I'm just so..... Angry with Satan. I'm angry first of all that hes taken and continues to try to seduce those who seem to be weak in the Lord. I'm frusterated because I know I've learned so much in this area, and I feel useless as I try to somehow show my friends the pain and unhappiness of choosing the wrong path. I feel as though if i somehow, in someway, had the right words to express my experience and how close I had come to falling completely away from God, that it would save some of my friends the pain of making the wrong decisions and coming nearly as close as i did to falling completely away.
People dont realize!!!!!! That the attack of satan is so extremely subtle. The way he creeps into those doors that we haven't locked safely shut seem so innocent, so harmless, and so unnoticeable. Why can't we realize that the way Satan sets before us will seem good and right? Does he not come as an angel of light? Does he not use the truth of the word, and twist it, to make things that should be wrong, right? Why are we not on guard? Why do I continually see people lower the standards in their heart, and draw close to the line that divides black and white? Why do we not realize that Satan is continually looking for the opportunity to snatch our hearts away from the Lord? And an even harder question, why do our hearts want to see "how much we can get away with" instead of "going to the extreme to bring Christ more glory and honor?" Is this a heart issue? I know the grace of God is sufficient and the bible says that Christ is our keeper. I honestly feel that those who fall from grace do so because of a problem that starts in their heart.
Where does your heart stand? Do you struggle to understand whats right or wrong in Gods sight while dancing around the line that divides the kingdom of God with the kingdom of this world?
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2 comments:
I know its hard because you have so many words to express your concern, experiences, and love for people but the BEST thing you can do for someone is pray. Often times people say "well...i guess all I can do is pray..." like its their last hope but thats the best and most effective thing we can do! And its in those times of prayer God will show you IF you need to talk to someone and WHAT you need to say. Be encouraged by the fact that you are saved and some day very soon will be spending eternity with Christ! Trust me I know that its hard to think about all the friends we've lost and its scary to think that there will be more in the future that will fall away, but just keep praying Kaiti. The best is yet to come =) I love ya! Thanks for the comment on my blog hehe
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