Heart Issues and venting

I'm currently in a really strange mood. Last night I went to Grange fair. which is basically one of the monumental happenings that occurs in central Pennsylvania for a week in August, every August, for nearly the past hundred years.

All I could think were the memories of past years, strolling throughout the carnival and campers and tents with my usedtobebestfriend and our boyfriends. Bad memories. Sad memories. Then good memories. It was the old me; Before Christ. It reminded me of how much I miss having her company, and it also made me so sad because i realize she is no longer the same and neither am I. (regarding our friendship and our relationship with one another and Christ) Isn't it strange how one place that hardly ever changes can bring about tons of different feelings all at once? I felt sad, angry, disappointed, let down, discouraged, encouraged, pessimistic, and yet trying to hope the best... All at the same time.

The truth is that I've never had more than one or two friends who were close enough to consider my actual sisters in Christ. Beforehand, I supposed it was my shyness that could have been the reason why, but now its more so the fact that so many of my friends waver in their relationship with Christ. It makes me so sad. I've struggled in the same areas, and made stupid decisions and etc, but Christ helped me overcome and grow and change in the area of relationships with friends and in the area of personal relationships. I know I talk about this alot.... But the reason why I do is because it is a constant problem that continually presents itself to me with my friends who I DONT want to see fall away from Christ. I'm just tired. I'm so tired of seeing friends in Christ come and go. I'm tired of making precious memories with Christian brothers and sisters in the Lord, and looking back upon them 3 or 4 years later... Realizing that they've fallen away and no longer care about the things of the Lord. It makes me so incredibly sad. It also helps me appreciate the grace of God, because I know I could be in the same boat if it weren't for the grace of God. I'm just so..... Angry with Satan. I'm angry first of all that hes taken and continues to try to seduce those who seem to be weak in the Lord. I'm frusterated because I know I've learned so much in this area, and I feel useless as I try to somehow show my friends the pain and unhappiness of choosing the wrong path. I feel as though if i somehow, in someway, had the right words to express my experience and how close I had come to falling completely away from God, that it would save some of my friends the pain of making the wrong decisions and coming nearly as close as i did to falling completely away.

People dont realize!!!!!! That the attack of satan is so extremely subtle. The way he creeps into those doors that we haven't locked safely shut seem so innocent, so harmless, and so unnoticeable. Why can't we realize that the way Satan sets before us will seem good and right? Does he not come as an angel of light? Does he not use the truth of the word, and twist it, to make things that should be wrong, right? Why are we not on guard? Why do I continually see people lower the standards in their heart, and draw close to the line that divides black and white? Why do we not realize that Satan is continually looking for the opportunity to snatch our hearts away from the Lord? And an even harder question, why do our hearts want to see "how much we can get away with" instead of "going to the extreme to bring Christ more glory and honor?" Is this a heart issue? I know the grace of God is sufficient and the bible says that Christ is our keeper. I honestly feel that those who fall from grace do so because of a problem that starts in their heart.

Where does your heart stand? Do you struggle to understand whats right or wrong in Gods sight while dancing around the line that divides the kingdom of God with the kingdom of this world?

When you don't guard your heart...

I've been thinking about this ALOT the past couple weeks. I guess maybe because I've seen so many of my close friends fall away from God because of relationships that were not in the will of God. Even when I look at my own life, I realized if I had done one simple thing, i could have avoided alot of serious mistakes and heart break. I was talking a friends mom about this on a long trip. Sometimes I really feel that I've come so close to turning away. And I know that if I had only guarded my heart and mind from the start that I wouldn't have come that close to turning away from Christ. Its more serious than alot of Christian teenagers think it is. Sometimes when I look at my close friends now, I really am afraid that they don't realize the importance of guarding their heart and their emotions. Satan can do so much with your emotions when they are stirred up at inappropriate times. Its so innocent, so tiny. Maybe its a crush. Maybe its this one christian guy you've been talking to online who is cool. Maybe its your Christian brother who you've know since you were 3 feet tall. Don't get me wrong, I don't think its a sin to have a crush. But so many people don't realize that when they feed it, its going to grow! When you put your heart in the place of growing in affection towards the opposite gender, when you know God is calling you to be single for a period if time, for a season, you've started to make a serious mistake. How can someone have undistracted devotion to the Lord when half of the time, they are making sure they can sit next to, talk to, have serious one on one eye contact with a person of the opposite sex? How can one be undistracted to the Lord when they make it a point to be online every single night at a certain time so they can "encourage" and talk to a Christian brother who is struggling. I don't know.. Some people might say, so what? But I know from experience thats a recipe for disaster. I think I've seen this so many times with my Christian friends. Its a crush, its not sin, we're not dating, we're not in immorality. Maybe you aren't "dating" and maybe you aren't in sin... yet... But you are DISTRACTED. But I can wait for her/him. But how can someone know that God's will won't lead one another in different directions?

I see tons of people with romantic feelings towards their brother or sister in the Lord and so rarely do I see them take these feelings before the Lord. How many times do we let our minds wander, and our heart care a little more romantically for a certain individual without first consulting with Christ? Is He not the one who owns our heart? Is He not the one who gives us wisdom and guidance on heart matters? And even more so, if we're supposed to be single, why have we voluntarily reserved our heart for a certain individual, without having God confirm that they are, indeed, going to be the one they spend the rest of their life with?

This is what drives me nuts. If someone has their heart reserved for a certain individual, how does that leave God having any say in the matter? It doesn't. What if God wants your heart elsewhere? That means either you are in for some serious heartache or you would rather have what your heart has been craving than what the Lord wants for your life.

I guess to sum up this blog, because its getting long... Make no reservations! Guard your heart diligently! Take everything before the Lord! Pray! And be undistractedly devoted to Christ until He tells you its time for a relationship. I've learned this all the hard way, but I hope this has somehow, in some way, encouraged someone.